Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
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