id be glad to
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
