piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
