The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
