I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
