I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
