why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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