i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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