Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
