He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
