Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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