hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
