You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
