Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
