i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
