Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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