Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
