I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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