I need to stop coming to work sober
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
