Who wears a wallet chain?!
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
They took my balls.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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