I wish my penis had an off switch
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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