my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
