i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
