You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
