I'm eating all of the evidence.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
