I think my vagina is haunted
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
