its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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