we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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