Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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