I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
