Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
