dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
