believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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