i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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