all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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