Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
