I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
