You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I could fuck to npr.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
