tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
