i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
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We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
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I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
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