Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
