Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
