Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
