Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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