Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
