maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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