I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
