I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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