tell your sister to shave her snatch
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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