yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You dont lie about slip and slides
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
