And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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