There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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