ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
