I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
