i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
