She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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