Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
