My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
