they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
3pm strippers are depressing
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
