We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I believe in your delicious
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
