I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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