i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
