How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
