We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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