I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
