My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
