Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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