Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
