4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
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