I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
"it" just moved
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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