I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
