how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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