Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
