i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
i think my cat just said my name.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
