two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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