Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
