I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize