I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
