Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
