WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
