I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
