what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
