With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
