I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
