I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
