I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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