Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
3pm strippers are depressing
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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