I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
